Solititude

Reflecting on solitude led me to realize that almost everyone in my family are solitary people. I do not like being around a lot of people, I do not like having to socialize when I don't feel like it. Ever since I was a young girl, I never liked hanging out in crowds. While there are people who yearn for the company of others, I prefer being by myself. If society didn't frown down upon solitude as much as it does, I would probably not care for being social. There is always this constant pressure that makes me look for people, to be their friend and to have them keep me company. I do not like this pressure, but at the same time I do not like others giving me pitiful looks because I am sitting alone or walking alone. Physically I am never alone but emotionally and mentally I am, and there is nothing wrong with that. I might have someone to keep me physical company but there is no one that understands how I think and how I feel. I like having life this way, it creates a sense of privacy and feeling of self. Being alone gives me the opportunity to find things I am happy for, I do not have to pretend to like something or to act one way. Yes, perhaps I need to find other friends who I have more in common but it is hard to do that, to establish friendships on common things because if people are like me, I will never know when they are truly are being sincere or they too are changing just so they can have someone and not be alone. Being alone is not bad, and I will never understand why society sees is as a bad stigma.

I Know This Means Something

Everyone always has those days where we have a sudden epiphany. You might be driving down the street, or sitting out somewhere, where there is no one that keeps distracting you. You are paying attention to the road or to nothing, just alone with your thoughts. When you reach that moment of thinking where you go over what you do and why you do it you often get that feeling of either satisfaction, indifference, or panic. Some people will be happy to realize that everything they do is for something and has a meaning. Those people might make themselves happy or others happy. At the end they are satisfied with what they do and with the meaning that their life and actions have. Then, there are the indifferent people. They don't mind their life like it is. Yeah, sometimes it must suck but they deal with it. They might not find meaning in all of their actions  but they know that there are some in between that do. To them, they are not sure if there is meaning in something but they won't take the extra step to figure it out. Let it come to them if there is, if not then oh well. Lastly, we have our panickers. The people who left alone in their thoughts will panic because they realize that what they are doing has no direction. Sometimes they over analyze things to the point where they have no distinction on what is enjoyable and what is not. They do not know if something means something, if they do not see it right infront of them then they won't believe it. They do not know what to do with themselves and if you do not know what to do with yourself, how can you know things have meaning or not? If you have not found your individual meaning?
I am probably way off, or wrong in most of this. But I do not care, or mind, because it is something I think of often. Something that somehow makes sense to me. I often have those days where I am alone with my thoughts and I just think. Every time this happens I go over events that have happened to me and I think to myself, "This happened for a reason. The reason might not be explained right now, but maybe it will be later on. But this has a reason." If you believe something happens for a reason then you must know it means something. Everyone has to know something means something in their life, some come to the realization sooner than others but it happens. You just have to wait.